How do I explain something I can’t understand?

How do I explain that he hurt me in a way no one else can?

How do I explain the scars that run so deep?

How do I explain something you can’t even see?


How do I explain that I am scared of seeing him

because it still hurts so much?

How do I explain that he abused me

yet I still fell in love?

How do I explain that I miss the man who put me through hell?

How do I explain that he’s changed everything I thought about myself?

How do I explain that it’s not a matter of showing him up

or making him realize what he lost?

How do I explain that’s not even relevant at all?

How do I explain that his words replay over and over in my mind?

How do I explain that I can’t forget them no matter how hard I try?


How do I explain that I have flashbacks and nightmares,

even though it’s been a full year?

How do I explain that unrelenting fear?

How do I explain that it hits so deep into the core?

How do I explain that this isn’t just a battle?

It’s a fucking war.


But maybe I don’t need to.

Maybe I don’t need to explain myself to anyone

Not even you.

Because I alone know the truth

And maybe that’s enough

Because I am fighting for me

And I will never, ever give up.


23 thoughts on “

  1. I’ve learned the hard way to stop explaining myself to people. I just appreciate everyone that actually listens and shows compassion even if they have no idea how I feel . Those are the people we need in our corner . Love this piece . ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Completely agree with you. Fortunately I do have quite a few people who listen and truly care, but not everyone is going to. Thank you for reading and commenting 🙂


  2. Beautiful writing. No need to explain anything. Healing occurs when we let our hearts mend, through any avenue we choose. Keep doing what you love and prayers for your continued healing in the messy arena of life.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Your writing here struck a cord with me. I feel like I have gone through a very similar experience. I really hope you keep fighting and staying strong and I completely understand how hard it can be. You are very brave. Vicky x

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Good on you for not giving up – I am so impressed. I can’t even imagine what you have gone through, but you are taking steps to a brighter tomorrow. Hang onto hope, and keep shuffling forward my friend. You are so valuable and deserve the very best. Sending you so much love xx

    Liked by 1 person

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