I am enough.

I will say it over and over,
Until I believe
That I am not the things you told me:
I am not clueless, oblivious, stuck in my own stupid world,
Unable to love, care, show compassion, or be a normal girl.
I will not believe
That I am all of those things.

There is nothing wrong with me.
Maybe I’m not like you
But you know what,
I don’t want to be.
I don’t want to yell, scream, hate,
Control, abuse, manipulate.
I don’t want to put down and degrade
Just to gain control.
Because you know what,
Time will take its toll.
And you will lose everyone
Like you lost me.
Maybe someday you will see.
But most likely not
Either way,
I am enough.

I am not bad and I am not worthless
In fact, I don’t deserve this.
I deserve someone who appreciates me
Who doesn’t want to change me
Who doesn’t put me down
But builds me up.
Because, you know what?
Unlike you,
I can love.
And I am enough.

 

This poem is addressed to my abuser, who constantly put me down me over and over again. After we broke up, all of the things he said to me played on a loop in my head. Listed above are just a few of the ways in which my abuser told me I was not enough and that there was something profoundly wrong with me. Although I knew intellectually that he was the one at fault here, I still kept wondering if everything he said really was true. Maybe I did deserve nothing and he was right all along. I wrote the poem above to convince myself that I am not what he said I was and I keep it hanging above my bed as a constant reminder for all the moments when I still doubt myself.

To all the other victims of verbal and emotional abuse, you are not all the horrible things they try to make you believe about yourself. You are not the problem or the one to blame. You have value and worth and you deserve more. You are enough.

 

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8 thoughts on “

  1. Having witnessed abuse over many years inflicted on my sister, this poem truly resonates. Strangely just 2 weeks ago, I made her write out the words “I am enough” and stick them all around her house so she could remind herself of this daily.. A beautiful poem and yes – you are more than enough! x

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